What the hell's a "Von Hearse"?
This is a Von Hearse (on left)
But to give you a little more information on me, I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi. One day, I heard this song on the radio. And it really resonated with me. I realized there was so much more in the world. It was at that moment I decided to leave home and head to St Louis (that's where the radio show came from). So I said goodbye to my family and headed out. During my travels I was woken up one night by this dog barking at my motel door. He was warning me that there was a fire. So I did what any good samaritan would do and ran around the motel waking everyone up to get out. Turns out there was no fire, the dog just liked barking. Anyways, I kind of adopted this dog and called him "Shithead".
I stopped at a gas station along the way to use the bathroom and ended up getting a job there. While there I fixed this customers glasses by hooking up some wire doodad to the frames to keep them from slipping and to also make taking them off easier. That same day, some crazy guy started shooting up the joint, trying to kill me, so, of course, I left that place. 
I wound up working at a carnival for a bit. I would guess peoples weight, sometimes I would drive the little train. It was there I met Patty. She was a stunt motorcycle rider. (she tattooed my name on her butt). 
One day, while driving the train, I met Marie when the kid she was babysitting got lost. I asked her out and we started dating. She left me after a bit, though, cause I couldn't support her financially. 
After that, me and Shithead went to LA. That crazy gunman from the gas station was actually out there, but this time, instead of trying to kill me, he gave me a check. Turns out that other guy from the gas station whose glasses I fixed was out there selling my glasses handle. They were calling it the "Opti-Grab". That thing made me rich. 
Needless to say, I could financially support Marie now, so I found her and we got married. We lived the high life. For a little while. Unfortunately, it seems, my Opti-Grab, somehow, was making people go cross-eyed. I ended up getting sued and ordered to pay 10 million dollars in damages. Needless to say, that made me broke. Me and Marie didnt make it.
Having to do something else, I decided to start drawing, and that's where we are now.
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